Category: Joke Board
The Top 14 Signs Santa Needs to Lose Some Weight
(Part II)
14> His pantry is bare and several elves are missing.
13> Instead of leaving cookies out for him, kids around the
world leave greasing butter on their roofs so he can slide
down the chimney.
12> Santa's belt is frequently mistaken as I-90 in Ohio.
11> Workshop elves can't seem to get into double-digit "days
without an accident" before another one gets offed by
a flying button.
10> This year, he's staying at home and telling kids to come
pick up their presents.
9> His sleigh currently needs 29 reindeer to make it move, and
Blitzen is in secret talks with Sleigh Pullers Local #324.
8> During his stint on "The Biggest Loser," the other contestants
all call him Lardass.
7> Not only is the plate of cookies and glass of milk gone, your
tree is also missing the gingerbread man ornaments your mother
made in 1957.
6> He hasn't seen his "south pole" since the Crimean War.
5> The first Mrs. Claus left him in disgust. The only
replacement on Earth with qualifications and experience:
a wise-cracking Leah Rimini.
4> The large sack for the toys has been replaced by the available
space in his navel.
3> Lately he's begun to sweat egg nog.
2> In order to get the sleigh off the ground, Santa's added
two new reindeer: Mack and Peterbilt.
And the Number 1 Sign Santa Needs to Lose Some Weight...
1> That effeminate elf following him is actually Richard Simmons.
lol, great!
#3 combined with #1 gives new meaning to “Sweating to the Oldies with Richard Simmons.”
Hahahahahahahahaha! loved the one about sweating egg nog! just roflmao!
Rofl becky! you always great. Nice!